Buckle in, this is a bit of a long one, get yourself a cup of tea and get comfy.
The first sign of an ACL injury 1996.
How it all started!
My knee nightmare began in 1994 when I twisted it while skiing, I was 14. I didn't realise at the time the damage I had done and the journey ahead of me - I say 'nightmare', it hasn't been constant trouble in my life over the last 30 years, but there have been tough times.
In 1996, I pulled the ACL ligament of my left knee and it swelled up (see photo) I was aware the damage was pretty serious but thought it would be a temporary thing. I had fluid drained from the knee that same year and hoped that - with time - all would be well again and I could get back to my sporting ways.
More serious than I thought.
Something I should have mentioned is that I was sport-mad when I was younger - playing sports at regional, county, area and school levels, spending every minute possible of my free time playing one sport or another, even getting an award at the end of the academic year for Outstanding Sporting Achievement from the borough council.
Feeling (or in hindsight perhaps hoping) that I had recovered sufficiently, I was playing netball late 1996 and tore the ligament which led to the first operation which, if I remember correctly was to trim the ligament to try and prevent it from tearing further.
Apparently, I didn't learn my lesson as in early 1997, I ruptured the ACL playing hockey (rather foolishly as a sport-mad, naive youngster) and was put on the list for a cancellation for an ACL reconstruction operation as my registrar wanted to hurry me through because of my sporting history the operation came in August 1997, a month before my 18th birthday.
After an ACL reconstruction August 1997.
This meant a few things changed in my life.
Of course, following my ACL reconstruction I had to have physiotherapy, meaning I would have had to miss a lot of my last year of school this, together with not doing so well in my first year of sixth form, meant I thought it best to repeat the penultimate year of school.
Unfortunately, fear got the better of me and I didn't really play sport again, certainly not competitively. That still hurts me today. I really wish I'd pushed on but I think the mental trauma got to me.
March 2021 ACL was redone.
In more recent years.
Years went by and yes, there was the odd niggle here and there but everything was okay, I even had the chance to pick up a badminton racket again, although I didn't play like I was once able to.
Things were fine until around 2015, when I felt instability in my knee, it was as if it was going to dislocate but then fell back into place. I went to the doctor's and saw many different doctors over the next few years along with many scans and the decision was made that I needed to have an operation, they didn't know what the issue was but they knew there was one.
March 1st 2021 the day came for my third surgery on my knee, they couldn't find the problem but they redid the reconstruction. (A bit of a gruesome photo to the left).
Since my last surgery.
I began physiotherapy around 8 weeks after my operation, it was good but felt I could have done with a little longer as, although my ligament was said to be intact, the calf muscle of my left leg was pulling really badly to the point that I couldn't walk properly. nevertheless I was discharged.
This, of course had a knock-on effect on other parts of my legs, I ended up with tendinitis in my achilles (left leg) and plantar fasciitis, because I had so much pain and discomfort I didn't know whether I should push on with exercising or rest, I chose to rest because I didn't want to do more damage (and it was the easiest choice for my exhausted body and mind).
I decided I would start seeing a private physiotherapist who was great but in hindsight I didn't feel accountable and like before, taking the easier way out was the option I took.
The result of resting so much, with my leg bent, meant that my muscles, tendons, etc. shortened and I couldn't striaghten my leg, I still can't.
Since beginning physio in February 2024 I have gone from being able to straighten to 45 degrees to straightening to 19 degrees and I'm still working on it. I'm still having trouble with my achilles and plantar, but I think that's largely down to gaining weight.
I'm now unable to straighten my leg.
My mental fitness is really important for my physical well-being and vice-versa.
It hasn't just been a physical battle.
So, you're pretty much caught up with the physical challenges I've faced over the years but what about the mental side? This has been an invisible hardship that has really taken its toll.
As I mentioned, I was crazy about sport while at school, it was my escapism from other things going on with my family and me, when I injured my knee, that escapism was taken away, which was really tough, I never told anyone and just soldiered on. There was never any medical staff asking me how I was with regard to my mental well-being, which I find strange in hindsight.
Fast forward to now and the same thing goes, I struggled so much and was checked up on every so often as far as my physical health was concerned but no-one ever asked how is was in my mind. I even went to the doctor and told her I was really struggling, her response? 'It's normal'. That was it, I felt so alone in fighting my uphill battle.
I put on a lot of weight as I was really fed up and although I was really fighting to get myself physically better, nothing seemed to be working and I couldn't see myself improving. I pushed myself to continue going to work so much so I made myself worse and ended up going on the sick.
That's when I knew something had to change, I decided to move home - from Spain to Portugal - mainly so I could have the support of family. I sold my flat, quit my job and moved. I needed to get myself happier, which is thankfully what's happened. Huge thanks to my physiotherapist, I am progressing physically and this has really helped my mind.
I still have a way to go to get myself where I believe I can but I've been fighting for three years now and I refuse to give up. I do think about my future, though, how my knee situation might affect my ability to work as now I am not only working to get myself better but also to put off having a knee replacement for as long as possible because, at 44, I'm considered too young to have the operation.
One of my main missions now is to lose weight as that will, undoubtedly, help my knee and other leg problems. I need to get myself in the right frame of mine and fight a little more! I'm so determined to get there because, after all, what's the alternative?
NEVER GIVE UP!